An ex.

I don't really have anyone I would consider a real 'ex', so I'm just going to rant on the closest thing I have to it.

Let's call him Dave, shall we? The most obscure, vague, unimportant name I can think of.

This is happening, folks.

1. Can't anyone let ends be? I mean, if it's over, that means it's over. You can't try to win me over, just move on please.
2. For God's sakes, stop trying to be someone that you're not. You're not Toby, you're not Iris, and you're most certainly not me. And now that you've been everyone else, its hard for me to tell if it's really you.
3. This kind of ties in with what I just said, but: Bandwagon is a killer. And not in a good way, either. You don't have to be like everyone else.
4. If all you talk about is video games, I will a.) have no idea what you're talking about, and b.) will go talk to someone who will share with me a real conversation. And that's the truth.
5. I'm sorry. I think you know why, but that's all that's getting said here.
6. No more pity party. It's not attractive, and it doesn't make people want to be around you.
7. Please leave me alone. Not necessarily entirely, but back off. Quite a bit. I don't consider us as close as I believe you think we are. You're 'friendly behavior' like abnormally long hugs and talk of 'cuddling' is creepy, and seems a little lecherous.
8. Please stop girl-hopping.
9. Enough with the imaginary girlfriends. It adds to the 'pity me' that you seem to have become adept at producing.

This isn't all of it, but its a lot.

In conclusion:
Please find someone else.

That is all.